The Unforgivable Curses of Wedding Toasts
Before we build the perfect toast, let’s get clear on what to avoid. These are the things that take a toast from memorable to mortifying.
- Inside Jokes: You and the groom might find the story of the “rabid squirrel incident of ‘09” hilarious. But to the other 198 guests, it’s just confusing. A toast is a communal experience. If the majority of the room can’t share in the laugh, save the story for a smaller group.
- Embarrassing Stories: This is not a roast. The goal is to build up, not to tear down. Does your story involve an ex, a regrettable haircut, or any bodily functions? If so, leave it out. Your guiding principle should be Philippians 4:8. Focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable about your friend and their new spouse. Humiliation is never admirable.
- A Toast About… You: The toast is about the couple. You are a supporting character in their story, not the hero. Briefly establish your connection to them, then pivot the spotlight squarely where it belongs.
The Three-Minute Toast Template
Great speeches are not improvised. They are structured. Even the Apostle Paul, speaking with Spirit-led authority, structured his letters with an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. You should, too.
For a wedding toast, aim for a length of about 3-5 minutes. According to research from communications expert Carmine Gallo, brevity is key to keeping an audience engaged. Here’s a simple, three-part structure to get you there.
- The Introduction (Who are you?)
Start by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship to the couple. This orients the audience and gives your words context. Keep it brief.
Example: “Good evening, everyone. For those I haven’t met, my name is Mark, and I’m the groom’s older brother. I’ve had a front-row seat for Jacob’s entire life, but my favorite chapter by far has been watching him fall in love with Maria.”
- The Story (Why are they great together?)
This is the heart of your toast. Share a short, personal story that highlights a positive quality in your friend or family member. The best stories show, rather than just tell, why this person is wonderful.
Then, the crucial next step is to connect that story to their new spouse. How does their partner complement or enhance that quality? This honors both people and celebrates their union as a reflection of God’s design in Genesis 2:24, where two become one.
Example: “I’ve always known Jacob to be incredibly driven. When he set his mind to something, he achieved it. But seeing him with Maria, I’ve seen that drive soften into a beautiful partnership. Maria, you’ve shown him that the greatest achievements aren’t things you conquer alone, but journeys you share. You don’t just support his dreams, you’ve become his most cherished one.”
- The Toast (A blessing for the future.)
This is the conclusion. Bring it all together by offering a sincere wish or a blessing for their future. This can be a simple prayer, a line of scripture, or a heartfelt hope for their marriage. Then, raise your glass.
Example: “So, let’s all raise a glass to Jacob and Maria. May your life together be a testament to the patient, kind, and hopeful love described in 1 Corinthians 13. We love you both. Cheers!”
A Final Word on Delivery
Once you’ve written your toast, practice it out loud. Seriously. Time yourself. Get comfortable with the words so they sound natural, not like you’re reading a legal document.
And a practical piece of wisdom: be mindful of the open bar before you speak. The words of Ephesians 5:18, “Do not get drunk on wine,” are especially wise when you have a microphone in your hand and the couple’s reputation to uphold.
Your toast is a gift. Prepare it with love, speak it with joy, and you’ll give the happy couple a moment they’ll treasure long after the cake is gone.